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To bait us with love
Caustic Love è amore corrosivo, pericoloso. Quando l’amore ti travolge non sai mai se è un bene o un male. Tutte le tue certezze vengono spazzate via. Prendi decisioni irrazionali. Diventi vulnerabile. Sei ossessionato. Puoi provare il più bell’orgasmo della tua vita e contemporaneamente avere il cuore spezzato.
Il Paolo sarà anche depresso e vede solo grigio ultimamente (come il cielo di ferro) perché probabilmente la sua Scozia non raggiungerà l’autonomia politica, ma è innegabile che la sua percezione dell’amore è perfetta. Tale e quale all’altra, dello scrittore Pedro Lemebel, però mischiata al sangue della più crudele dittatura cilena:
E con questo marchio di rispetto aveva imparato a convivere come chi impara a vivere con una belva, accarezzandola, ammansendo la sua ferocia, smussando il suo artiglio, abituandosi alle sue carezze violente, imparando a godere dei suoi graffi sessuali come unica fonte di affetto.
Stavo pensando a questo nei giorni di attesa, riempiendoli, per fortuna, con un’enorme dose di coraggio e di compiacimento per la nuova casa. Attesa che porterà quasi sicuramente al nulla. E mi chiedo perché doveva succedere questo, perché mettere in dubbio un intero decennio e buttare merda. Ma io il grande coraggio l’ho dimostrato e non sono retrocesso di un solo millimetro. Caro S, potrai scappare e denunciarmi tutte le volte che vuoi ma l’integrità del mio sentimento è strutturale.
Tutto qui: Sarà un germoglio, sarà collera esplosiva, oppure una semplice carezza, ma l’amore non verrà intaccato da nulla. Spero che lo ricorderai e che quando dovrai sostenere le tue accuse false mi guarderai direttamente in faccia.